I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
