if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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