I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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