New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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