well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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