last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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