I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
