It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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