We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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