R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
