I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why didn't you poke me back
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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