that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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