Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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