If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
