I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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