I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
