I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
