Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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