I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
