He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shame - the story of my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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