ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
