I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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