She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
