Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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