On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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