i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
