my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
