My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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