I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
