That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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