Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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