cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
