I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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