I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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