i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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