she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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