are you still at the devil's house?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
