I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm going to jail i love you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This toilet bowl is my home.
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