I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
