Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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