you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
