Don't you send me to vm
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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