She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
