dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
