1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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