When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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