This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
