well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
