Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
