Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
