so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
