I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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