My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
