I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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