I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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