More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
