Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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