Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize