I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
