I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
