I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
