I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
