Whod you bang
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
