when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
