I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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