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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
