I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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