I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
