Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
