went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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