hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
