just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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