i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
