wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
