Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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